Just Plain Funny

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The One Where I Make a Fool of Myself

August 26, 2010 in Bloggable Moments, Just Plain Funny by Sara | 3 comments

Last night I got a late start walking Lucy.  Dusk was just falling and as we turned the corner to walk up one of the hills that makes me breathe hard and sometimes swear a little under my breath, I saw a snake on the road.  It wasn’t a very big snake.  Just about a foot long.  Tan and brown stripes ran horizontally down its slender body.

As I got closer, I realized it was really flat. Poor snake.  Evidently someone had run over it earlier and squished it good.

So I didn’t bother to give it a wide berth.  It was dead.  It wasn’t going to do me any harm.  I walked right by it and as I did I must have stepped on the end of its tail because all of a sudden it JUMPED STRAIGHT UP IN THE AIR AND TRIED TO BITE ME!

I then jumped straight up in the very same air and let loose with a scream that must have echoed all over the neighborhood.  I jerked poor Lucy’s leash so hard I nearly choked her.

After my heart stopped racing I looked back at that dangerous snake.  Then I crept a little closer and took a better look.

It was a piece of grass.

Do any of you remember the story in the Little House book when Pa walked to town, got delayed and then had to walk back home in the deep dark black night?  In those days the chances of being eaten by a wild animal while wandering around in the dark were pretty high, so Pa’s imagination was working overtime.  He thought he heard panthers and wolves and all manner of other wildlife all around him as he hurried home toward Ma and the girls.  He looked up to see what he was sure was a bear standing in his path.  For the longest time he stood there stock still hoping the bear would lumber away.  No such luck.  That bear just stood there glowering at him and thinking what a tasty morsel Pa was going to be.  Finally, Pa screwed up all his courage, took the ax out of his knapsack, held it high over his head, ran toward the bear screaming at the top of his lungs, swung the ax with all his might and………

hit a tree stump right square on the head.

Then he had a good laugh at his own silly self and went on home.

I never felt as close to Pa Ingalls as I did last night.

Lucy is still laughing.

Obviously

March 4, 2010 in Family, Just Plain Funny, Kids by Sara | 2 comments

With half of our family off doing other things, Elena and I had a night all to ourselves.  So we had a little girls’ night out complete with sharing a salad and calzone at our favorite pizza joint and because why stop at just 3000 calories in one meal, a stop at the ice cream shop conveniently located next door.

It’s rare that my youngest and I have time alone and that’s a shame because that kid is some more funny.

Tonight we were talking about an incident earlier in the week that caused her to have to “move her clip” in her classroom. (Obviously moving your clip is not a good thing.)  She declared that she was innocent but since she was busted for talking and she had just asked me hours before if she was “talkative”……I’m gonna go with the teacher on this one.  She comes by it honestly.  In the same conversation we decided that really the only “non-talkative” one in our whole house is Daddy.  And that includes the dog.

So we were talking about the clip moving and I asked, “Do you have to get up in front of everybody and move your clip?”

“Yes, you do.”  Long pause.  Woe filled look.  “And that is the VERY WORSE part.”

To which I agreed and said,  “So how did that make you feel?”

And my 8 going on 18 child looked at me and said,

“Well, it sure didn’t brighten my day.”

That child makes me so happy.

My Brother, the Bear Killer (kinda)

November 18, 2009 in Bloggable Moments, Family, Just Plain Funny by Sara | 1 comment

While I’m taking a little break this week I thought I’d re-run some past posts that I especially enjoyed writing.  I’ll be back for real next week…..


Originally posted September 3 , 2009

Now there are some people (JD) that might accuse me of exaggerating things. Of embellishing the truth just a bit. Adding a little color to a story.

He might be right.

Okay, he is right.

But I swear on all that I hold dear to me that the following story is completely true. I’m telling you that even on my best day I couldn’t make a story like this up.

As you may remember, when last we saw my brother, he and his new wife were heading off on their honeymoon.

DSC_0314

Their honeymoon took them up through the Smokey Mountains and into North Carolina a ways. On Monday they were on their way home when……..

So Michelle and I are riding to Townsend on Monday. I see a big dog in the ditch that suddenly morphed into a really big black bear. He decides he needs to be on the other side of the road when I’m about 20 feet from him. I can’t get on the brakes because there is a car trying to eat my butt and I’m afraid I will get all three of us run over. I couldn’t go right because I would wind up in a ditch. So I do the only thing I can. I veer hard left and try to miss him. My foot peg hit him square in the jaw and spun him around. Knocked him out cold. I thought I had killed him. After we pulled over and stopped hyperventilating, we called the cops. Suddenly I realize no one is going to believe this story so I decide to go back and try and get a picture of the bear in the road. Apparently he came to and rambled off into the woods. Nothing in the road but a puddle of spit I knocked out of him and a bunch of people asking if we were ok. (They were.)

To see for yourself, google “motorcycle hits bear smokies” and you’ll see that the news spread fast and far!

My favorite line? “Nothing in the road but a puddle of spit”.

I love my brother. He’s a dadgum poet.

A Cautionary Tale

September 9, 2009 in Friends, Just Plain Funny by Sara | 2 comments

Let’s just say that you have a small bathroom in a new house you’ve just settled into.  A powder room really.  Not much room and no electrical outlets.  And a window that doesn’t open.  Yet.  We’re working on that.

And let’s say that you desire some sort of odor fighting device that will combat certain odors that might occur in said room.

This new item might seem just the answer to your prayers.

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See that little sensor there?  It senses movement or changes in the light and shoots off a delightful little dose of very nice smelling spray.  Perfect?  Right?

That is, until one of your male guests goes to the bathroom during a recent party and after finishing up his business bends over to flush the toilet and gets a squirt of clean linen right in the face.

Not so perfect after all.

He Was Mostly Wrong

May 27, 2009 in Aging, Just Plain Funny by Sara | 3 comments

When I was in high school, Saturday Night Live was in its heyday. I loved “Land Shark” and Rosanna Rosanna Danna, and John Belushi doing just anything. And of course Dan Ackroyd and Jane Curtain doing “Point/Counterpoint.

Unfortunately since my name is Sara Jane this led to one boy (Jeff Cartwright) saying to me many, many, many times a week,
“Jane you ignorant slut.”

No, Jeff, time has not dimmed this pain. If anybody runs into him, please let him know I’m still getting over it.

Just kidding.

Mostly.

Anyway, JD found this site that lets you download a photo of yourself, click a few prompts and it finds the celebrity you most resemble and morphs your face into theirs.

Guess who I turned into?

MyHeritage: Family trees – Genealogy – Celebrities

I guess Jeff was right. But just about the “Jane” part. I’m still disagreeing with the “ignorant” and “slut” part.