Faith

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Still Called?

Sometimes the call of God on and in my life confounds me.  I will have a moment where I’m absolutely sure that I am making the exact right decision based on prayer and contemplation and how the events fell into place.  I feel a peace about the decision and it just feels right.

Then the bottom falls out.  And it all looks and feels and sounds wrong.  What am I to make of this?  Was I wrong?  Did I hear His voice correctly or just mistake my own for His?  When something takes a wrong turn, does it mean it was a wrong decision to begin with.

Here is what I think I understand.  Sometimes we are called to something for the long haul and sometimes it is just for a short season.  There is much to be learned from both.  Perseverance for one.  The ability to exit gracefully for another.  Both good lessons to stick in my pocket.

I don’t know what all this upheaval in my work life is going to pan out to be.  Maybe something I’m supposed to slog through and perhaps something from which I’m supposed to leave in a little bit.

What I do know is this.  God has a plan for me.  I can trust in that plan.  All will be well.



Famous

You’ll see that I use that term very loosely.

One of the neat things that the Beth Moore Ministry team does is a video/slide show of each event she does.  Watching the one from Lexington brought back every emotion I felt while sitting through it.

AND.

If you look very closely at the third slide after it starts, up in the right hand corner, you’ll see my Aunt Earlene, my cousin Lara, and her daughter, Brianna.  My mom, my sister and I are sitting a little further upstream and pretty much all you can see of us is our pant leg.  Of course, this will only be exciting to you if you know what my aunt looks like………

Oh well.

I feel famous by association.

When we first started talking about attending the Beth Moore event in Lexington, KY waaaaaaay back in January, it seemed like August was forever away.  But Mrs. Moore is a popular gal and you have to plan a long way out if you don’t want to be sleeping on a bench at the bus station. So tickets were bought and hotel reservations made.

Then life just kept on going and things kept happening and I don’t mind telling you that in the last month my life has taken some turns that have just flat out exhausted me in more ways than I could count.  I felt like the only thing I wanted to do was to crawl into bed and pull the covers up over my head.

But a chance to spend time with my sister, mom, aunt, cousin and her daughter (that makes her my second cousin, right?) had been something I had been looking forward to for eight months, so on Friday I packed my bags and took off to Kentucky.

I returned today and while I am certainly not rested (that’s what happens when you stay up way too late talking), my spirit certainly feels both refreshed and challenged.  Here are just a couple of points that Beth made this weekend that have me thinking pretty hard about some things that I’ve had going on in my life and in my heart.

1.  We are not meant to detach ourselves from our ministry. This sounds very simple, but it spoke so deeply to me as we have run into some very trying circumstances in a ministry that our family is involved in.  It would be easy to just keep doing what we are doing but in essence detach ourselves emotionally from it.  Faking it, if you will.  And let me tell you that I have been so tempted to do just that.  It appears that Someone wants me to give this a little more thought.

2.  Opening your heart and choosing to love is sometimes the only way to heal it from a hurt. Oh but it is so much more fun for me to nurse my hurt feelings and real or imagined slights.  I can sulk with the best of them.  It feels good to imagine ourselves the victim for a while.  Turns out this is not such a good idea.

Honestly, I don’t know how this is all going to play out in my life.  There is so much to turn over and process from our lessons this weekend.  But I am thankful that long before I had any idea I’d need to hear any of it, God already knew.

I’m thankful.

Is Something Missing

I grew up in a very traditional Southern Baptist Church.  The kind where we sat on wooden pews and the preacher had a sing song quality to his delivery.  I’ve sat under a few hellfire and brimstone messages in my time.  I’ve seen alter calls that had half the congregation on their knees at the front of the church and the other half holding on the pews for dear life.  I grew up in a time when the women wore dresses and only dresses to church and Peggy Blevins once held together my skirt because she was scandalized that it had a tiny slit up one side of it.  To this day you can start any number of hymns in the Baptist Hymnal and I can sing all four verses.

Without looking.

Over the years I’ve seen the church, both my small country church and the church in general change.  Wooden pews gave way to cushioned pews or folding chairs.  Praise music replaced hymns.  The preachers delivered messages with fill in the blank notes to follow along on and dresses became completely optional.

If you listen to the church leaders of today, most will tell you that the church has had to change.  We are catering to a generation that has grown up on video games and reality shows and is used to being entertained.  The church needs to be culturally relevant to attract and keep the young people.  The term “seeker” became the word of the decade.

But is it working?  I’ve been hearing that young people who are very involved in the church are leaving for college and promptly leaving the church behind just as they did the rest of the trappings of their childhood.  And what about those of us who aren’t “seekers” and crave a deeper understanding of God and his Word?

And how about the reverence factor.  Do we still revere God?  Do we understand the awesomeness of who He is?  Are we teaching our young people and new believers about this?  Do we enter a place of worship with a sense of respect?

My parents and I agree that most of this has been lost.  And I think it’s sad.  Do I think God cares if we have on a dress and panty hose or a shirt and tie when we come to church?  Certainly not.  But I do think that perhaps ripped up jeans that show your boxers are out of place and that short shorts should not be your first choice when you are getting dressed for church.

A couple of years ago, reading “The Shack” was all the rage.  I only made it about a third through before I couldn’t read it anymore.  I couldn’t go with the idea of God being portrayed as someone who we’d have a relationship with just like we’d have with any other nice person we ran across.  I thought it left out the reverence that I think God deserves.

I think the church is on a pendulum.  Perhaps we swung way too far away from the traditional church in order to stay relevant.  And I swung right along with them.  There was a time I would have (and did) poo-poo the idea that there was anything wrong with shoving the piano under the stage and exchanging it for an electric keyboard (sorry, Kathy.  Do you forgive me?)

Maybe I’m just getting older and becoming nostalgic for the things of my youth.  That’s probably part of it.  I do think there were bound to be changes in the way the church does things and for the most part they have been good.  I also see a swing back toward some of the things both my generation and the generation of my parents held dear.  My church has a band but last week we sang hymns for the entire worship time.  Thank you David Crowder.  I see more emphasis on discipleship and bible study.  And I think we are doing a much better job of connecting people and teaching about the doing of Christianity and not just the being of Christianity.

Here’s what I know for sure.  My God is awesome.  He is faithful and just and merciful.  He has been gracious to me beyond measure even when I am faithless and lazy and self-centered.  Regardless of what His church is doing wrong or what it is doing right, He is sovereign over all.

He is worthy of our reverence.  It’s something I don’t think we should forget.

I like being in control.

(That wild cackling you hear?  That would be my family laughing their heads off at that little bit of understatement.)

Now I’ve lived long enough and had enough things happen that I know that control is merely an illusion and that we all live right on the razor’s edge of chaos at any given moment.  But still, most of the time I still operate under the illusion that given the right tools and circumstances I can make most things turn out right.

So it appears that God is feeling the need to teach me some lessons in this area.

JD has been involved on and off before and in the early years of our marriage with a national mentoring program.  Once we were here and settled in and knew that we’d be sticking around for the long haul he felt nudged to get involved with this program again.  After a long application process he was matched up with a little 7 year old boy.

In the interest of protecting his privacy, I’m not going to go into all the details of his story.  But the short version is that he lost both parents in a very horrific way on his fourth day of kindergarten.  This left him in the care of his very loving but devastated grandmother who suddenly found herself not only grieving the loss of her only child and daughter but suddenly being the full time parent to a 5 year old.  Add to the picture that she also suffers from a physical ailment which keeps her from moving very quickly or easily.

And they have no one else.

No one.

No family.

For several months we have been having “Sam” at our house.  He’s been hanging out with us and we’ve been getting to know him.  The girls have been so good at welcoming him into our home and our family.

So when his grandmother needed some medical procedures performed we were happy to offer to have him for the time she would need help.  She thought it would be about 4-5 days.  I knew it would be longer and we were fine with that.

We had him for two weeks.  It was both two of the most rewarding and challenging weeks of our lives.

The lessons we learned?  Stay tuned.

Hello you faithful people who show up here faithfully day after day.  I don’t really get why you do, but it has become something that I kind of count on.

So don’t stop, okay?

There has been quite a bit of upheaval in this house for the past two weeks.  It’s a story I’m dying to tell you as soon as I figure out how to do it and still protect the privacy of some of the folks involved.  It’s a dandy.  Nothing bad, but still some of the most challenging days I’ve known in quite a while.  This little blog has become the way that I process lots of stuff, so you are just about to get an earful.

But for the next few days I’m taking a little break to get my house (both figuratively and literally) back in order.

I’ll be back next Wednesday ready to unload:)

In the meantime, please keep my niece Sara in your prayers.  She is going on a mission trip to London tomorrow and staying for 2 weeks.  She is so excited and I am thrilled for her.  I think it’s going to change her life.

I’m just hoping my sister doesn’t have a nervous breakdown watching the plane take off.  If you read about some crazy woman stowing away in the wheel well of a plane headed for Europe, don’t be surprised if it’s her.

Maybe you ought to say a quick prayer for her as well.

Thanks ya’ll.

Oh my, I was so whiny last week

Going on about my plans getting changed and things not going my way.

Boo Hoo on me.

It’s a wonder I could stop feeling sorry for myself long enough to welcome our dear Olivia June to the family (by the way, Mike. You should get something in the mail on Tuesday or Wednesday that will totally make me your favorite sister. Don’t tell Ann, though.)

Several things have happened lately that let me know that God is determined to teach me about selflessness.  I’ll be right up front with all of you.  Dying so self is not my strong suit.  I may have mentioned that one or a thousand times.  I am so quick to forget that it’s just not all about me.

Really?  It’s not?

Dadgum.

Tonight our house church was privileged to serve a meal to some 100 folks who have little to call their own.  You want your heart to break?  Try looking at hungry children in the face.  Look at people who are probably 10 years younger than you but look 20 years older.

Here’s the shameful thing.  I tried several times to get out of doing this.  It just seemed like one more thing on the already rather large list of things to do this week.

And yet, it turns out that it was probably the most important thing of all.

A gentle reminder of what it’s really all about.

Tender Hearted

As I mentioned before, our church is studying the book of James this summer.  It’s been convicting on many, many levels but never so much as today.

Today we were looking at the final verses in Chapter one.  Basically, James tells us to put some legs on our faith.  To be selfless.  To look after the unfortunate.  And by doing these things, we will know that our faith is true.

27Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

Ironically enough, this week poses some of  the biggest challenges I have had in this area in a long time.  Things have transpired that are calling me (in the smallest of ways) to die to myself and my desires.  And let me tell you that I am not dying a pretty death.  In fact, I think that I am fighting it tooth and nail.

You see, I had an agenda for the week.  The details were already worked out in my head.  The plans were laid.  The timing of things I had to do and when I needed to do them set firmly down.

And then everything changed.

I did not like it one little bit.

These new developments did not fit in with my plans.  They will require changes and modifications and yes, even some sacrifice (again, embarrassingly small).

All of which, if I am truly trying to live out my faith in any real way, I should have just accepted as His plan for this week and gone about being joyful.

I will admit that I have failed miserably in that department.  I instead have allowed myself to feel frustrated and angry and even a little bit bitter.

Perhaps I have become a bit polluted by the world.  Or a bit jaded or calloused by the needs I see around me.  I was reminded of this yesterday afternoon.

We were on our way to the movies yesterday when we passed a homeless guy at the entrance to the interstate.  There is always someone there and I have, on occasion, given them something.  But this day, JD and I were talking about something and while I noticed him, that is all I did.

Several minutes later I heard some sniffling coming from the back seat.  I turned around to find big fat tears running down Elena’s face.  I initially thought she had read something upsetting in the book she held in her hands.  Turns out she was crying about the homeless man.  She cried for the entire 20 minutes we were in the car and there was just no consoling her.

Oh that my heart was still as tender.  Because we are not commanded to take care of the orphans and widows just when we feel like it or when it is convenient.

The lessons I’ve still to learn?

They are never ending.

Just a couple of things before we embark on a weekend filled with visits from dear friends, lots of good food and drink and an extra day tacked on to the weekend!  Can I have an AMEN on that one!

Some of you may remember me asking for prayers for my friend Candy and her mother last year during a health crisis.  True to form, her mom rallied round and did really well for another year.  But Wednesday morning after a blessedly short rapid decline in health she died peacefully in her sleep surrounded by her dear family.  And although the loss is certainly sad, it is also a time to celebrate her and a life well lived.  Please keep Candy and all her family in your prayers as they gather in Virginia to do just this on June 3.

I hope that you have a wonderful weekend surrounded by friends and family.  If you are lucky they are one in the same.  Luckier still if the friends feel like family.

Happy Memorial Day.

Bended Arm

JD and I were talking while the girls played on the equipment at our elementary school.  It’s about a 10 minute walk from our house and we often walk up after supper.  This night, Elena was especially excited to go because her good friend Sam was going to be able to meet her there.

They were playing happily when it happened.

THUD.

I looked up to see Elena on the ground.  She looked a little stunned but then quickly jumped up and started saying,

MOMMY!!!! I BENT MY ARM! I BENT MY ARM!

Let me just say that the sight of your child’s arm bent at an unnatural angle is a sight that burns itself onto your retina.

A visit to the ER revealed what we already knew.  She had broken it alright.  The ER doc (who grew up in my Mom’s hometown of Elizabethon, TN….small, small world) was fabulous.  In fact, everyone we encountered that night was just wonderful.  They were great with Elena and with her slightly frazzled Mommy.  Elena was a champ, hardly crying even with them pulling on the arm to x-ray it and putting it in a splint.

We returned the next day to the ortho clinic.  The first person we met was a gal named Tabitha.  Now somehow in the first five minutes we established that we were both believers and that we both felt that God had plans for our lives that we couldn’t come close to understanding.  I have no idea how that came up.  It’s not something I usually launch into with someone I’ve barely met.  She loved on my girl like crazy and while I did a pretty good job of holding it together for the sake of the young one, I very nearly lost it when the cast was put on.  Steve (Physician Assistant extraordinaire) was molding the cast and trying to reduce the fracture and while he had given her a shot to numb the area, it was still pretty painful.  Elena didn’t scream or cry, she just bowed her head and the tears streamed down her cheeks and dripped onto my arm.  When Tabitha saw that, she laid her hand on my child’s head and prayed her (and me) right through that procedure.  God Bless Her.

Steve and Tabitha felt like family by the time we left there.  We are almost excited to see them again next Friday.  I’m thinking a dozen Krispy Kreme are in order.

Here’s my girl with her cast.  And because she is nothing if not a stickler for rules, since Steve told her to keep her arm up as much as possible she’s pretty much walked around with her arm like this since Friday morning.

Good girl.

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