Our kitchen faucet had been broken for months. At first it was just a little bit broken. By that I mean that the little thingy on the top that tells you which direction to turn for cold and which to turn for hot kept falling off. Not really a problem as I still have all my sensory capacities in my extremities and had memorized “left for cold, right for hot” a while back. Then the pull down sprayer started acting wonky. It would suddenly just stop working and would only begin again after you punched the little black buttons on the side about a million times and said a few cuss words (out of the children’s hearing, of course). Then it wouldn’t turn off unless you shut it off and then pushed down on the middle of the turner offer thing. Then there was the constant explaining to guests on the proper off and push antics required each time you used the crazy thing.
And yet we let this go on for MONTHS.
Mostly because the thought of buying a new faucet did not bring me great joy. I’d frankly rather buy another pair of pajamas.
In the end, I took my friend Betty to Lowes and we picked out a new faucet. (Not before I’m sure she was ready to kill me for agonizing over the decision for so long.)
JD replaced it last weekend. Works beautifully. Simple to turn off and on. Delightful.
But you do remember this, right?
JD and the girls were at his folks for the weekend, leaving me alone in my house for about 4 days. So I threw a little girl’s only party Friday night and we had a wonderful time. We all brought cold or room temperature salads and they were yummy. The last gal left abut 10:45, I quickly cleaned up the kitchen using my new faucet and trusty garbage disposal to get rid of some excess arugula from one of the salads. I headed downstairs where I watched a couple of shows I’d DVR’d and then headed off to bed thinking of the wonderful Saturday I had ahead of me where I could do anything I wanted. A long walk/run with Lucy. A visit to the farmer’s market. Perhaps even a movie in the afternoon. The day was mine……..
Oh, what’s that? The light in the laundry room was on. So I opened the door, stepped inside and
Right into 4 inches of arugula strewn water.
And so I did what all good southern women have done since Scarlett O’Hara set the example. I decided to think about it tomorrow and after making sure it wasn’t getting any worse, I went to bed.
The morning found most of the water gone but bits and pieces of salad from last night’s dinner stuck firmly to the floor.
I then made a decision which shall haunt me the rest of my days and is sure to give my family ample opportunity for mocking me.
I put a load of sopping wet towels in the washing machine and turned it on.
Wait. It gets better.
I then put Lucy’s leash on her and we went for a nice one hour walk around the neighborhood.
What in the world?!
It will come as no surprise to you, gentle reader, that I arrived back home to 4 more inches of water in the laundry room. Luckily, while on my walk I ran into my neighbor who gave me the number of the best sewer and drain people in town.
The very nice man on the other end seemed so pleased that I had interrupted his Saturday morning with my pesky drain problems. And so to teach me a lesson he gave me a lecture on garbage disposals. His speech went on for several minutes. I’ll condense it for you. Basically it boils down to this.
Garbage disposals are from the devil. They should never actually be used. If you do feel you just MUST use the devil’s machine, you must feed it carefully only one tablespoon of food at a time. You must then follow this with copious amounts of water, ice cubes and perhaps a cup of bleach.
And then he says, “You know I’ll have to charge you time and a half to come out today and fix it.”
Exactly what was I supposed to say to this? “Oh no thanks, then. I’ll just leave water and rotting food in the basement til Monday.”
If he had attempted to extract a promise of my firstborn, I probably would have agreed.
Two hours later a nice young man named Michael (who appeared to have crawled through many sewers and drains already that morning) made a lot of noise and cleared out the drain.
Turns out it was sludge, food and lint from the dryer causing all the problems. Not a thing to do with JD’s recent plumbing job.
So he shall keep his plumbing license for now. He’s going to need it.
Somebody’s got to get rid of that darn disposal.