I didn’t even know I’d been holding my breath. But I certainly must have been, because I could feel my lungs expand as if I’d suddenly broken the surface of the water after a mighty long swim from the bottom.
“I don’t see anything that concerns me.”
That would be Dr. Eyelashes giving me the news on my latest scan. Usually I make an appointment to go over everything with him in his office, but this time we decided that he would just call me. I’m not sure I’ll agree to that again. With an appointment I know when the torture of not knowing will end. This time I was just on pins and needles all day. Trying to act normal at lunch with a new friend. Trying not to check my phone every five seconds in case I’d missed his call. I don’t know how that could have happened since I had the ring tone turned up loud enough for my friends in another state to hear it.
When the call finally came I was standing looking the vast array of cheeses at my local market. I hope people passing by just thought I was crying over all the lovely types of brie I was contemplating, but the truth was that I just couldn’t keep the tears back. And then all the adrenaline that I’d been carrying around all day hit and I was still shaking when I handed my credit card over to the sweet cashier who always tells me she is praying for me. Lordy mercy.
The good doctor and have been talking about taking a treatment break if this last scan was a good one. We will have to wait on the final read from the radiologist, but we are not expecting any news that would alter our plans. There are a couple of nodes up near the top of my trachea and behind my thyroid that we have been keeping an eye on. They don’t seem to be changing but they also don’t seem to be going anywhere. They do not worry my oncologist and so I mostly choose not to let them worry me. My sister wants them to go in and just remove them and that is certainly something I’ll talk to the doctor about. Conventional wisdom would say that it wouldn’t make any difference in the long run, but we strayed off that path long ago.
So I’d ask for your prayers as we make some hard decisions in the next couple of weeks.
And thanks for all the good wishes.